Fools! Get Out of Here! A Half-life CD Is on the Loose!
I don’t have much time to explain, it’ll cut through here any moment and I don’t want to be around when it happens!
See, he installed these spring-loaded steel cables to each CD. Then, when you take a CD, it’s still attached to the cabinet, and it’ll slip back into place as soon as you let it go, like the starter cord of a lawnmower engine. It’s only got enough cable to stretch about 200 feet away from the building, so nobody could take it.
Well, I wanted to re-install Half-Life so I could play the new Counter-Strike patch. Yeah, I took the Half-Life CD. On the way back to my desk I stopped by the water cooler. Then I buzzed down through tech support to talk to one of the guys, stopped by the bowl of candy up in accounting, wandered outside to the smoking patio, then grabbed a coke from the machine in the basement, dragging the CD the whole way.
Of course, by the time I got to my desk, I had to dig both heels into the carpet and PULL on that sucker just to move it along, the cord was stretched so tight. I finally managed to shove it into my CD-Rom drive and force it closed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t paying any attention after I was done with the re-install – I hit the “eject” button and the CD shot out as though fired from the deck of an aircraft carrier.
In a brief instant I saw a silvery flash of light streak down the hall, take a grapefruit-sized chunk out of the corner of Dobson’s cubicle, and then it was gone. I heard the steel cable crack in the air like thunder.
Foolishly I tried to follow it, but saw only the devastation it reaped from its passage on its horrifying death arc back toward the software cabinet. It left six-foot long gashes along the walls by the break room. The water cooler was split cleanly in two, throwing liquid in a twelve-foot arc.
It swept clean through accounting and downsized Jacobs by removing her right arm. She didn’t even see it coming – one second she was on the phone negotiating the IDCG deal, the next thing you know she’s missing her right ear and shooting blood from a stump.
The CD probably has some really rough edges now, after it cut the mahogany conference room table in half.
If you’re smart, you’ll clear out – I passed through this hall on my way from the software closet. See that cable? Nobody over four-foot tall standing in this room will have their heads in just another moment!
FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!
Thank God I didn’t try to Gank Diablo. It’s a 3-CD set. Hundreds would’ve died!
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