The Daily Victim Redesign Is Cruising Smoothly … like a Missile.
“Outsourcing,” Fargo told me. “Outsourcing is the key.” He pointed to some wall diagrams showing the navigation of a website easily hundreds of pages deep, with enough back-end software to run Amazon.com. “It may look like an ambitious eight-month development schedule, but I’m aiming to trim it down to six.”
Since returning from Vegas, Fargo had been a non-stop flurry of activity getting the Daily Victim site ready for a relaunch. Most of said activities, to my mind, were pointless. “Isn’t this just a daily comedy site?” I asked, timidly. “And you already have a new artist…”
Fargo sniffed a marker deeply before answering. “This is not merely a daily gaming comedy site. It’s the voice of a generation. OUR generation! Yours and mine. And their cousins. The new Daily Victim website will be a masterpiece of electronical engineering and datalistic manipulation.” He rose to his feet to pound on the desk. “To speed development of this comedy monstrousity, I’ve followed the latest trends and outsourced the engineering tasks to …” – he paused to look it up – “‘Surinam.’ Wherever that is. Frankly I don’t speak the language of Surinam, presumably Surinamian, but they had the best rates. The weekly conference calls we have are understandably confusing, but by shouting loudly I think I’ve bridged the communication gap and judging by how much they’ve withdrawn from my credit cards, we are ahead of schedule!”
“This feature’s been dormant for months,” I reminded him. “Can’t you just whip something up while you redesign the page?”
“NEVER!” he bellowed, pausing to actually suck on the opened marker as you would a cigar. “I didn’t want to spoil the surprise, but you’ve pushed me to it. Allow me to unveil the awesome might that is the new Daily Victim Design.”
Fargo unfurled a massive blueprint.
“I call it the ‘Daily Victim DS,’ or ‘Dual-Screen,’” he explained. “See, there’s only so much comedy you can fit on a single page. Opening up a second screen is a whole new direction in gaming humor. It’s huge. See here, on the main screen, we’ll have incredible art, humorous writing, users rankings, and everything readers love.”
“What will the second screen be used for?” I asked.
Fargo paused and leaned closer, choosing his words carefully before answering in quiet, measured tones. “It will be filled entirely with paid advertisements.”
After a pause he added: “Blinking ones.”