Allright, gather ‘round. I’ve developed a Call of Duty team strategy that speaks to all of our strengths.
Okay, huddle up, huddle up! I’ve got this map licked. Move in, closer now. Right.
Here’s the plan. This here is the V2 rocket base and associated bunker. Here’s the minefields. And here and here are MG-42 nests – very dangerous. We start here, in this big X that I’m drawing in the dirt. The artillery plans that we’re supposed to steal are here, next to this leaf. Got it? Lemme sketch out the tunnels in between a little more.
Now, if we all work together, we can use our strengths. This plan is tailored for each individual. Chuck, Crenshaw? You’re the snipers in this group. When the round starts I want Chuck dashing for the hillside here, then going prone and covering here and here. Crenshaw will do the same but he’ll set up camp right here, covering these two bunker exits. That should keep the way home clear.
Bartles, you’re absolutely killer with the grenades – there’s not a shot you can’t bank. So, you’re going to crouch-run up to the stairwell here and bank three grenades into the two separate hallways below. That’ll flush out a lot of ‘em. Buzz and Hayden, you’ll back him up with the submachineguns. I know you guys are great at running and gunning, so as soon as those grenades pop I want you storming in from here and here, then covering each other as you advance down this corridor here.
Stevens, you’re the fastest strafe-runner we’ve got. Shimmy on your belly behind Bartles, wait until after the grenades pop, then cover the rear for Buzz and Hayden. Once they give the signal from the murderhole here, charge through this door, grab the plans, switch to your pistol and make a beeline out this exit while covered by the snipers. The plan is perfectly suited to your skill.
Now, that leaves Ramone. Ramone, I need you to stand here at the entrance for ten, maybe twenty seconds after the round starts. Then I want you to jump up and down randomly outside of this base, and once you’re here, I need you to ask if someone can switch maps. Then, despite this being an objective-based map, I want you to turn your back toward the enemy encampment and snipe this corner of the map that has nothing to do with our objective nor where we’re taking it. Complain about the lag. Then, I need you to accidentally grenade a couple teammates, type “LOLOLOL,” and switch teams.
This plan is custom tailored – it can’t fail!
Allright, any questions? Comments? Okay, Ramone would like to add something to the plan. Okay, here, use the stick. Right. Right. Okay, that’s an excellent drawing of a penis Ramone, but largely irrelevant to the conversation. Give me the stick back.
Score: 8.32; Total Votes: 3303 as of 2009-12-09.