Happy Holidays, Skip. Here’s your present. It’s a gift certificate for … A MANBEATING!
That’s right Skip. Open the envelope. It may LOOK like a GameSpy Gift Card, but in fact, it’s actually an inexpensive discount gift-certificate for a MANBEATING.
I like you, Skip. You’re a good friend. A great suite-mate here in the dorms. Together we’ve had a lot of fun playing Medal of Honor or Wolfenstien. So, really truly and genuinely, this is a gift from the heart. But don’t be misled. It’s also an admission pass to the SMACKFARM.
It’s a guaranteed BEATDOWN.
Because as soon as I get a hold of you in Call of Duty multiplayer, I’m gonna pulp you like ripe mango.
I’m gonna frost you like a cake. I don’t even know what that means.
So, enjoy your gift card, Skip. Go online and activate it today. But remember, it’s not only a subscription you can take advantage of. It’s also a one-way ticket to a DEBILITATING NUTPUNCH.
Enjoy it, Skip. You’ve earned it.
Be sure to write your name on the back. You know, so they can identify you when they find it on the corpse.
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