I’m Sorry, Professor, I Can’t Attend Your Lectures This Week Due to My Madden 2001 Injury.

Why, yes sir, as a matter of fact I do have a Doctor’s note, right here.

Yeah, it was a pretty rough evening all told, sir. See, I couldn’t get a date that night because of My Stupid Roommate’s Asheron’s Call Addiction, so instead I was taking on all challengers at Madden 2001.

Along comes this guy from hallway 3B, right? Now, I’m the king of the lateral pass, I’m unstoppable, so confidence is high. Then this guy parks his ass on the beanbag next to me, and holy crap, you should’ve seen his hand. No, his hand. I’m serious, this guy’s right hand was abnormally huge. He called it “The Hand.” It engulfed the whole PS2 controller.

I started to feel the fear, you know? But I couldn’t show it! I had to stay strong, stay strong – strong like Shaft. I’m the biggest free agent on my dorm floor. “Show me the money!” I shouted, “Show me the money!” Then during the third quarter I made this one reception and … Oh jezes … He hit the X button so hard I got pounded into the turf like a tent peg. It took a fifth of Vodka and half an Orbital album to revive me.

No no, I’ll be fine, but when I came to the doctor told me to stay away from long lectures or deskwork. It’s all here in the paperwork. Yeah – the pink copy is yours, But I’ll need the yellow copy to give to the guys at the office.


Victim Pic Small

Thanks to this here note, my health insurace will cover up to $40 worth of nacho chips and cheese a week.


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