My husband’s online roleplaying habits are a serious source of marital strife.
Look at him standing over there by the town crier – he’s the Elf, in the shirt? Yeah, it took him twenty minutes to pick out that hairstyle. And another five minutes to choose the perfect shade of “glistening platinum blonde” (his words).
We started playing together because I thought we would do quests, or kill things, or hunt orcs, or – hell, I’d even be happy just drinking ale in the pub with my guild. Like I used to do after classes with the gang back on campus.
But – look at him! Just look at him. We spent two hours last night going from merchant to merchant until he could find a leather breastplate that matched his boots. That shirt? Custom tailored. Same with the wristguards to match. And his backpack is full of other clothes: he’s got his formal attire, his ceremonial attire, his dungeoning attire, his town wear, his beach wear, his Summer filking outfit – what the hell happened to him?
He insists on having both a brown pair of boots and a black pair of boots on him at all times.
Last night he looked our cleric up and down and then said, “Oh honey, you are not wearing that with those.” Then he raised both his hands and said “Giiiiii-iirl!” Afterwards, he made her put on a helmet because “I can’t stand to see that eye shadow clash with the pale blue aura of the obsidian blade.”
This morning I gave him a cloak of displacement that he refuses to wear until he can “coordinate an ensemble.”
The thing is, he’s just a jeans and tee-shirt kind of guy around the house. He acts all macho when he’s got the guys over. I think this whole online roleplaying thing triggered off some sort of latent fashion-consciousness that he’s been suppressing. Should I be worried?
…Can I just player kill him? Or is that bad for a marriage?
[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Steen, based on what is possibly a true story.]
Oh, here he comes. “Yes, YES honey, I’m going to wear the chainmail with the white pants. DEAL.”
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