Check it out – look what I can see from this new satellite imaging website!
Check this out, check this out. It’s software that allows you to look at terrain anywhere on the globe – it takes satellite photos and maps them onto topological maps in 3D and, eh, you get the idea. See? You can look at the Statue of Liberty in New York!
What, our neighborhood? I dunno. I suppose we could give it a shot. What’s the longitude of your mom’s house? (That sounded like an insult.)
Okay, we’ll start from downtown here. Look, there’s the capitol! And that must be the interstate, so let’s follow it down … I’ll keep scrolling … wait! There! There’s our exit … and there’s our elementary school! That is so sweet. Lemme zoom in. You can see the woods out behind the baseball field.
An, and look over here! There’s our park that we’d hang out in. How far can I zoom this thing? Hey, I can zoom in to the monkey bars. See em? Remember that time my Game Boy disappeared during recess that one time, and when I found it later my 30th level Pokémon Charizard was missing? I was devastated, and I sat on those monkey bars and cried, and you were there to comfort me. And there’s the slide we used to use as ‘base’ for hide and seek. All that base belonged to us! And here’s that dirt trail we’d use.
That means, check it out, we can scroll down here and that’s our street. There’s where we used to ride our bikes. And whoa! Look at that! Let me zoom in some more. You can tell this satellite photo was taken last Fall, because there’s a gap in Tim’s fence from when Sarge the Puppy broke through. Remember that?
So if that’s Tim’s house, then – let me zoom in some more – then THERE! That’s my house! Whoa, and there’s a little tiny guy walking down the sidewalk past my house. This is cool. I’m gonna zoom in some more. I knew these satellites were accurate, but … hey, that kid is wearing your backpack! That’s a picture of you, man! And you’re holding something … I’m gonna zoom in some more.
You’re holding a Game Boy, that’s sweet. I wonder if we can see what game you’re playing? I’m gonna magnify it ten more times. Hey, you’re playing Pokémon … I’m gonna zoom in some more … wait a second …
THAT’S MY CHARIZARD YOU BITCH!
Don’t try to lie! Look, I’ll zoom in some more. See? The name on the screen CLEARLY says it’s St0nk the Charizard!
Furthermore, it looks like your battery warning light was getting dim.
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