Now that there’s a child in the house, I’m only permitted to play Disney’s Extreme Skate Adventure

No, my wife is very clear on the point. So long as the baby is watching, I’m not to be playing any violent video games. And I can understand that, really. But the thing is … The Baby is Always Watching. It’s like I’m the most interesting thing in the house, so long as I’m holding a PlayStation controller.

So now the only thing I’m allowed to play is Disney Skate Adventure. It’s a nightmare. I shouldn’t say that – at first it was enjoyable. I mean, you can’t go wrong with Tarzan pulling in some sick air. It’s actually a fun little game. Lemme tell you something else: Woody from Toy Story can completely WRECK it with the quickness. I know, I know, but give me some credit, it’s all I’m allowed to play.

Of COURSE it gets on my nerves. I mean … I want to turn on some kind of “blood mode” or something. Can you imagine what it’s like to have a hardcore craving for some monstrous SOCOM: Navy Seals action, only to have to make do with Simba the lion cub grinding the Pizza Planet sign? I just … start … twitching. Can’t they just hook up Pumbaa and Timon with rocket launchers or something? I think I saw that in the movie. What about Zurg? Couldn’t they at least give him a blaster? It’s a DISNEY game! Why can’t I kick Goofy in the balls?

Wait … hold on a second … it looks like she’s asleep. The baby’s asleep! Maybe I can fire up some Navy Seal action – wait – uh – oh NO now she’s lookin’ at me. SON OF A … you know.

[Victim trails off amidst the happy sounds of a Disney game, intermixed with sobbing.]


Victim Pic Small

How come Donald Duck isn’t in this thing, anyways? When I think “Extreme,” I think Donald Duck. He just goes with the territory.


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