I’d love to help you fend of the Empire’s invasion, but it’s past my bedtime.
What’s that? Stormtroopers pouring out of the starport? Imperial officers barking out orders in the plaza? Executions? Right outside this cantina? Right NOW? Blaster fire raging up and down the alleyways? You say it looks bad for the Rebellion? You say that all hands are needed? We’re making a last stand outside the medical facility? Doors barricaded shut? Grenades falling from the sky like tennis balls at Wimbleton? It’s to the last man standing, you say? A desperate final stand against determined foes? For justice and all?
Wow, you know, I’d love to help. But it’s past my bedtime.
They’re gaining ground you say? Snipers prone in the city park? Rocket shells crashing against the sides of the medical center? Stormtroopers goosestepping in formation down the main boulevard? Well, I’m sure I’d be a great asset. I hunt stormtroopers for sport and I’ve got maximum rifle skill and accuracy. My weapon here has been sliced and overpowered to do nearly double-damage. I’m certain I could turn the tide of battle.
On the other hand, I’m one sweepy peepy. I have school tomorrow. And while I’d like to help, I really can’t afford to be a grumpasaurous in the morning.
They’ve got two AT-STs, you say? Firing laser cannon right across the plaza, gunning down rebels like a shooting gallery? Aw, they’re no trouble. I can usually solo an AT-ST on a good day. But LOOK AT THE TIME. I have an appointment with Mr. Sandman and the pillow fairy.
Borrow my custom rifle? As if! I love the rebellion and all, don’t get me wrong. But you’re just gonna go out there and get killed, so no thanks. But here, here’s a dagger I looted from a corpse. Hope it helps the cause. Oh, is that the empire at the door right now? Well, that would explain the screaming and explosions. Should I stay and defend the door long enough for you to escape out the back? – well, you know what, nevermind, I’d better not get all involved. Some logs need to be sawed and sheeps counted. Have a good night! Have fun fighting the empire! Night night! Nighty nightie! Sleepytime. Don’t let the bed bugs bite!
[As victim logs off of the game server, he turns down the volume on his speakers so he can’t hear the explosions and desperate horrified screams. He fluffs up his pillow and wraps his blankie around him, smacking his lips together peacefully.]
Score: 7.84; Total Votes: 1321 as of 2009-12-09.