Kids: Game Boy and Jury Duty DON’T MIX.
There aren’t any laws on the books about it, well, you know, not specifically. But there’s some crap on there about “Disruption of Trial” or “Contempt of Court.” What that means, in non-legal-lingo-ese, is don’t play Wario Ware when you’re on the jury of a reckless endangerment case.
I shoulda been able to pay attention. I mean, the trial started out pretty exciting. Apparently the dude was accused of leading the police on a chase through a freeway and two neighborhoods. You think that’s gonna be AWESOME, right? But, by the second week of the trial, the novelty had worn off. The defense was stalling. They claimed the guy didn’t see the ten cops in his rearview mirror. They claimed he was rushing to get batteries for his hearing aid, which is why he didn’t hear the choppers, bullhorns, sirens, or gunfire.
Then they called up a parade of witnesses. Dozens of them, and the same 30 questions for each. “Oh yes, it was a big blue car, it was very fast…” Then the cross examinations! Augh!
By the third week I decided to bring in my Game Boy Advance for a little bit of the ol’ Wario Ware during the downtime. That’s the day they called up the driver in question, a little old dude who slumped down in the witness box and said “Eh?” after every question. He took forever to speak, and thought about his answer for upwards of 30 seconds after each question. Screw this, I thought! I very subtly slipped a headphone into my ear and fired up Wario.
Wario Ware has a few hundred mini-games, separated by little graphical gimmicks between each one. After ten minutes or so, I got a little engrossed. I stopped looking up to pretend to listen to the Defendant. I was obsessed with the part of the game where you have to outrun the police in a scooter with a monkey in the trunk. I guess I forgot I was wearing headphones, maybe got a little lost in the game.
“THROW THE BANANA AT THE COP CAR YOU STUPID MONKEY!!” I blurted out. Loudly.
They won’t even let me post bail.
Funny thing is, I’ll be spending more time in prison that the cop-car-chase dude. He got off.
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