WarioWare can easily bring about marital difficulties.

My wife and I have had a tight marriage, with the exception of that time we started using the Sims to make all our family decisions and things got a little hairy.

But then this past week in Wal*Mart we were looking through the Game Boy Advance games to see what we could use for long car trips. Front and center, there was a display for WarioWare, that crazy cartridge featuring hundreds of minigames that you play for five seconds at a time. “Oooh, what about THAT one?” my wife asks. “Would I enjoy that one?”

That’s a perfectly innocent question, and I thought I was giving an innocent answer. “I dunno sweetie,” I said. “There’s all sorts of little games that happen really fast, so it’s high pressure. You might not like that.”

She clutched the package to her chest. “What, you think I can’t handle a little pressure? That I can’t play fast games?”

I had the sensation a trap had been sprung. “No no, I was just thinking –”

“Is it because I’M A GIRL!?

Oh man, there was NO place to go from there. We ended up buying the game, but I’ve hardly gotten to play it yet. My wife bundles herself up in a ball on the couch frantically pounding on buttons, obsessed with demolishing the game. Sometimes she throws pillows. Whenever I manage to sneak a game in edgewise, she claws my shoulder with both hands and screams in my ear as I play: “Brush the teeth! Pick the nose! No no, eat the apple! CATCH THE TOAST!!” Until I screw up – which isn’t long – and then she snatches it away to “show me how it’s done.”

This isn’t the woman a married, but rather a woman who sleeps fitfully at night only to spring upright and cry out “Shake the tree! SKIJUMP!” before collapsing back into bed. Do you think we need counseling?


Victim Pic Small

I have to ask myself: What would the Sims do?


Score: 8.38; Total Votes: 1808 as of 2009-12-09.


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