Listen up, people! As Ultima Online Griefers, a new golden age is now upon us.
I’m talking about this new Age of Shadows expansion pack for Ultima Online. One of the things it adds is the ability to dismount opponents. I didn’t think it was a big deal, either, until I discovered that you can KILL the horses! Well, this just makes it all the worthwhile.
Wait, shhh! What perfect timing – here comes some guy on a horse! Look at him, with his horse. And his armor. And a horse. And his title. With a horse. All smug in his rare cloak, with his horse, all up there high and mightly like … some guy on a horse. I hate him. Actually, I hate everybody: I’m a griefer, like you.
So, here, take my lance. Now, the idea is, you knock him off … then you kill his horse and run for it. It’s a real pisser. I can’t wait to see how angry he gets. I do it all the time. I’ve killed as many as 70 horses in one hour – five from the same guy! – that’s over a horse a minute. I’m like a walking glue factory. Okay! He’s here! Now, block the road…
That’s it, now, POKE! Good, he’s off! Get the horse! Kill it! KILL! – what, dude what are you doing? Don’t attack the guy, get his defenseless horse! No, aw, now you’ve gone and killed the dude. Where’s the humiliation? The aggravation? What kind of a weak sauce griefer ARE you? You’re not griefy enough for THIS club, mister. Get out.
Okay, everyone? I think I’ve had enough. The weekly meeting of the Atlantic Shard Griefers Guild is now closed. You can all kill each other and steal each others’ stuff now. Ow! Owh, HEY!
[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy Reader Mike the Dismounted.]
What’s this strange forest? Oh wait, it’s just a field of dead horses, their legs upright in the air, horseshoes clanking in the breeze…
Score: 8.14; Total Votes: 1725 as of 2009-12-09.