The physics from my recent auto accident weren’t at all realistic.
Oh sure, me and the other driver walked away from it, but that’s just what I’m saying. I’ve played them all: Grand Theft Auto, Midtown Madness, you name it. And from countless hours of experimentation, I can tell you one thing: that auto accident I just got into on the crosstown freeway? NOT AT ALL REALISTIC.
For one thing, all of the parts stayed on the cars, except for some bits of broken glass and part of a taillight. I don’t need to tell you how fishy that is. I shoulda seen fenders flying, and my door should’ve been four lanes over. Also, my hood should’ve shot up 20, maybe 30 feet in the air. Instead, it wrinkled a little. AS IF.
But the real kicker? Neither of our cars exploded! That’s right, they both just sorta … crunched. Hello? Look, I know auto-accidents, I’ve caused probably a hundred thousand of ‘em on my PS2. And that, sir, was no auto-accident.
I shoulda been careening through the air end-over-end, shooting auto parts in all directions before bursting into a flame white ball of flame and stringy ribbons of human remains.
What a rip.
[Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Clag the Great. Who also has a bitchin’ nickname.]
Next time I’m putting some napalm in my trunk.
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