I love editing my own videogame baseball team. Instead of nine well-balanced players, my team consists of five mutants.
I never play through any baseball videogames with any of the licensed MLB teams. What, play with nine mediocre players with a mix of skills? What fun is that? I can barely tell them apart. Whoopie, so one guy’s got a .375 batting average. That’s nothing. If you create your own player and crank his batting stat up at the expense of everything else, you can get an average of .650.
That’s assuming that you don’t face my pitcher who can throw a fastball at 298 MPH.
Yessir, by juggling the stats around a little, I found that a nine-player team was kinda redundant. If you have that many guys on the field, of course the ball is going to land on one of them. No sir, I can make do with a team of five.
This guy over here, named Limby Two-Toes, he plays first and second base. And back there is “Legs” McNelly. He’s my only outfielder. Guy can sprint faster than a bullet train and he can catch ANYTHING. But he can’t throw. Instead, he runs to the infield and uses his stumpy arms to lob the ball toward Bill “Rocket Wrist” McBallchuck, who fires that sucker over to whichever of my two basemen makes the most sense.
It’s never a very high scoring game, since nobody on my team is capable of both running AND hitting the ball. No, I just rely on Brandon “Biceps” Slughausen – my wheelchair-bound star hitter – to knock one out of the park. Then I have my one-legged pitcher “accidentally” chuck a few fastballs at the kneecaps of the opposing team, and before long my misfits are waving the pennant after yet another 1-0 victory.
God bless this all-American sport.
[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Scott “MutantLeague” Mosher.]
Did you ever see the movie “The Natural?” Well, I’m going to make a movie about Biceps Slughausen called “The Unnatural.” He’s going to knock the cover off of the bat.
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