Moving to Tokyo in order to be the first to play Soul Calibur II has its downsides.

The biggest problem – aside from the blinding neon lights – is that I don’t speak Japanese. Well, allow me to qualify that. I speak a tiny bit of Japanese. I can say with flawless native accent any one of the six dozen Japanese taunt phrases used in the original Soul Calibur game.

My first day here I stumbled blindly through the airport. My heavy suitcase kept banging against my legs and I was starving. I got to what looked like a snack counter but there was this guy in front of me in line who couldn’t decide what he wanted. “Sohsoh ni tachisarei!” I shouted into his ear – that’s how Edge Master says “Begone!” The guy reeled in fear and then took off. “Dare ni mo tomeraren wa!” I cried after him – that’s how Cervantes says “No one can stop me.”

I ordered myself a snack by pointing to a cherry muffin and saying, “Blood! Darkness! Come onto me!”

Outside I tried to catch a bus by screaming, “This match is mine!” but I don’t think anyone understood. I turned to a Japanese schoolgirl next to me and said “Kiboh wa sutenai,” which is how Sophitia says “I won’t give up hope.” I guess it sounded kinda weird because I said it in a high-pitched girl’s voice. Ah well.

Finding a hotel was really problematic. I wandered the streets for a while, but didn’t know how to ask “Where is a hotel?” All I could say to people was, “The name’s Mitsurugi! Don’t forget it!” Finally I found a promising building. I went inside and tried to negotiate for a room rate at the front desk. Later on I found out it wasn’t a hotel at all, and that I was actually talking to a guy behind the counter at a post office.

“This rod will be your doom!” I told him, trying to hand him some money. “Uhm … You want more punishment?” Then he started making a phone call, which I took as a positive sign. A couple of minutes later, a bunch of guys in dark uniforms and white helmets came in – He’d called the cops!

“Do you think you can beat this old man?” I asked, dodging blows from their nightsticks. Eventually, though, they pinned me down and I was in handcuffs. “Justice will prevail … just kidding!!” I hollered. As they struggled to put me into a van, they kept asking questions.

“Bangoo!” I answered. “I did it for you!”


Victim Pic Small

The cool part is, they keep calling me Mitsurugi. “And don’t forget it!”


Score: 8.41; Total Votes: 2465 as of 2009-12-09.


Previous
It was a Battlefield game that will live in infamy. If, by infamy, you mean easily forgotten weakness.

Next
Yo, Frank, can you please stop using obscenities as city names in Sim City 4?

Back To Index