For our fiscal year 2003 planning meeting, I’d like to suggest we employ a Medieval: Total War business strategy.

Gentlemen, gentlemen. We’ve been cooped up in this room for nearly ten hours now. I agree that we’ve got to take aggressive steps to succeed in this business, but the feeling I’m getting from all of you is a lack of commitment. No, I mean, TOTAL commitment.

A business model I’d like to propose instead is based off of my experiences with Medieval: Total War. First, we begin aggressively hiring temp workers, hereinafter referred to as “peasants.” Then we get some high-priced consultants, the guys who show up on weekends in Oxford shirts. From here on out we’ll refer to them as “Mercenary Armored Cavalry.”

Anyways, I’d like to suggest in quarter 2 of next year that we send in our biz guys to buy out our competitor’s media purchasing division. This is known as “Bribing their weak army with the Diplomat.” Then, we send our army of peasants into their media purchasing division, fire everyone, and then we burn everything in sight and sell all of their expensive ergonomic chairs for a profit. Afterwards we sell off that whole company. I call this the “raping and pillaging” part of the plan.

Once they’re preoccupied with re-conquering their media services division, during Q3 we assault their corporate headquarters with archers and trebuchets…

No no, actual Trebuchets. I’m not using analogies anymore.


Victim Pic Small

Yeah, you know, it’s legal to do that here in California. Well, provided you have all the permits. But that’s what the Pope is for.


Score: 8.42; Total Votes: 1984 as of 2009-12-09.


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Don’t go in there! Hans’s game of Medieval: Total War has spun into a harrowing Caligula-like descent into debauchery!

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