I just had to pull a grand theft Grand Theft Auto
So I’m driving all around town in my dad’s car – you know, the silver VW Jetta (Mine’s in the shop after I tried to jump a picnic table with it, remember?) And I got no choice but to head all the way out to Fountain Valley. I storm into the Best Buy there and I catch some guy opening up a cardboard box – man, I musta left skid marks. He took one look at me and without saying a word he handed me the game. SCORE!
On the way home I stop at Commander Taco – you know the one in the big mall? – just so I could run inside real quick and hook up with some food. ‘Cuz I figured I’d be jackin’ cars all night.
But I must’ve been in a hurry, ‘cuz I get out to the parking lot and … okay, for one thing, it’s real easy to lose a silver VW Jetta in a crowded parking lot, it just doesn’t stand out. For another, I locked my keys in the car. There it was, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, just sitting there staring at me from the passenger seat while my keys dangled tauntingly from the steering wheel.
Times like this, I ask myself: What would a common criminal do?
The answer was to go to the hardware store and get a hammer.
I come back with the hammer – price tag still hanging off of it, hear? – and I’m walking around looking for the Jetta. I see it, and I make sure nobody is looking, right? Even though it’s a crowded parking lot. Anyways, the coast seemed clear, so WHAMS!! I smash the driver’s side window. I jump in, slide into the seat, slam the door, and go to turn the key amidst the blaring of the alarm … and the keys aren’t there. I look over to the passenger seat, and my game isn’t there either.
I was in the wrong Jetta.
Yah, so, uh, here I am. No man, I don’t have the car, I ran all the way here on foot. I’m hoping to go back and get it once the fuzz dies down. Hey, you mind if I bury this hammer in your yard?
What do you mean, “I shoulda called Triple-A.” Last I checked, they don’t sell games either … what? You mean they pick locks for you? Whoa, professional carjackers. Why haven’t I heard of these guys?
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