You leave me no choice but to implement a ‘Scorched Earth’ Monkey Ball policy

You say bumping me from the 500-point monkey target down onto the 10-point platform was an accident, eh Jace? Like the time you “accidentally” bumped me off of the launch ramp in the first round? Don’t think I can’t read the dark thoughts lurking in your oblong primate head! I tell you the TRUTH, for the remainder of this Monkey Target round, I’m adopting a policy of SCORCHED EARTH!

That’s right. My little baby monkey is closing his ball and opening the whupass, to turn a phrase. While, to date, I’ve been calmly and diplomatically coasting to a good cruising speed and then dropping gently onto the target area with my Super Monkey Ball, this time around I am gunning for nothing short of the weeping. You want the monkey? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE MONKEY.

Forget the bananas, Jace. You can have the bananas. I’m gonna circle above the target and wait for you to land, then I’m closing my ball and I’m coming down on you like a SIMIAN TORPEDO. That’s right. I’m planning on leaving a crater. But not before hitting your monkey so hard it’s HEAD WILL SPIN! Well, more so than normal, at the very least.

So, to summarize: Weeping, scorched earth, no bananas, simian torpedo, spinning heads. In fact, I’ve prepared a PowerPoint presentation. DIM THE LIGHTS, PLEASE!


Victim Pic Small

Ah, you’re proud of your 750 point score, hunh? Well, just wait – MONKEYS ARE ABOUT TO RAIN FROM THE SKY LIKE A HAIL OF DEATH.


Score: 7.28; Total Votes: 1507 as of 2009-12-09.


Previous
I think the issue here is that the ‘Horrifying Human Wave Attack’ is simply not the best multiplayer strategy.

Next
In my expert, mechanical opinion, the problem is that your tank is stuck in a tree.

Back To Index