My new cable modem has taught me universal truths that I didn’t want to know.

I’m what you would call a “Late Adopter,” meaning until just last week I was still grinding it out on a 56K modem. You remember what it’s like playing action games on narrowband, right? I would play Counter-Strike on the Italy map and camp out near the radio with a sniper rifle, then some guy would appear and stutter-step into the alley while I slammed on my mouse button, and somehow a moment later I was dead.

“LAG!!!” I would type.

With my new cable modem, I no longer have to worry about connection problems. In fact, I get a ping of under 50 to my favorite server. Everything is silky smooth. It’s like being in the real Italy. It’s changed my whole gameplay style! Now I camp next to the radio using an AK-47.

But that’s beside the point. My point is, the guy comes busting around the corner into the alley and I started slamming onto my mouse button, peppering that whole alley with bullets like I was pouring sprinkles on a cake. The guy crouched beside a crate, took a shot, and blew me across the room, dead.

“LAG!!!” I started to type, and then I realized something … it wasn’t the lag at all.

I just really, really suck. And I have … all along.

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Todd “Masterkaga” Goul]


Victim Pic Small

Also, my cordless mouse needs new bateries, but I’m afraid to change them, because it might not help any and then I’d feel even worse.


Score: 8.3; Total Votes: 2561 as of 2009-12-09.


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