I’d like you to meet my friend Jared. He’s in Doom III denial.

Hi Jared, meet the GameSpy readers. GameSpy? This is Jared, with the sideburns. Yeah, as I was explaining, Jared here is in what I call “Doom III Denial.” You see, after John Carmack said that Doom III will only have four-player synchronized multiplayer instead of client-server deathmatch, Jared here has lapsed into some sort of fantasy world.

“No no man, that whole four-player thing Carmack was talking about … he means co-op mode.”

You see what I mean? There’s no co-op mode. I’m sorry Jared, he was talking about multiplayer. It’s peer to peer, like the original Doom. Four players, max.

“No, what he meant was that you could play four player synchronized, you know, when you weren’t playing with 64 other people on an Internet server.”

Now, you see, there you go again, putting words into John Carmack’s mouth. He flat out said “The multiplayer is probably going to be four-player small stuff. One-on-one or two-on-two type situations.”

“But, John Carmack is like … a programmer. When he said ‘4’ players, he must have been talking in Hexidecimal.”

Jared, man, the Hexidecimal equivalent of 4 is … 4. Four players.

“No, the original Doom had four players, that’s what he must’ve been talking about. Then Quake came out with 16 players. Then in QuakeWorld you could have 32 players. Quake 2 had 64 player servers. The next logical step for Doom III is 256 players. Yeah, yeah I’m sure that’s what he meant.”

Jared, dude, you’re eventually gonna have to face up to the truth sooner or later.

“Okay, okay. Sixteen players.”

Four. Four, Jared, FOUR PLAYERS.

“No! He … he must’ve meant four…teen! Fourteen players. Yeah, that’s EXACTLY what he said.”

Victim Pic Small

Jared also refused to believe that the original Quake wasn’t going to have a hammer and a dragon.

Score: 7.62; Total Votes: 2233 as of 2009-12-09.

For months I agonized over where to get toner cartridges – and then, WHAMS! There was the answer, right in my email!

Look dammit, this is your third and last tank, Herr Kommandant.

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