I tried to dial the WarCraft III tips line, but then things got raunchy
Hi, you’ve reached the LOVE hotline, where hot horny women are ready for you. You must be 18 or older to call…
Uhhh – hello? Hello? This is Jason – is this not the WarCraft III tips hotline?
The ride of your life is only $.79 cents a minute! For Naughty Nurses, press “1.” For Barely legal teens, press “2.” For hot lesbian action, press “3.” For crazy co-ed cheerleaders, press “4.”
Wow, I must’ve dialed the wrong number. Whoa, hang on – did you say $.79 cents a minute? Damn! You guys are like twenty cents cheaper than the WarCraft III tip line. That’ll do. Uh, hook me up with some lesbians. *Beep*
You’ve selected … HOT LESBIAN ACTION … please wait while our operators rub themselves in oil and we connect your call.
I’m so glad I don’t live with my parents anymore.
Candy: Hiiii! I’m Candy!
Sandie: And I’m Sandie, with an I and an E.
Candy: We’re your HOT Lesbian LOVERS.
Hi, I’m Jason, I’m your mealticket. How could you girls both be lesbians, AND be my lovers? Uh, nevermind. Hey, actually I’m calling for help with a game of WarCraft III. I don’t suppose either of you have ever heard of it?
Candy: WarCraft III! *giggles*
Sandie: Jason, are you trying to say you like computer games?
Well, actually it’s a pretty stimulating hobby.
Candy: Sandie’s just teasing you. We love WarCraft III. We’ve been playing it every since we got tired of Medal of Honor.
Sandie: I like Orcs.
Whoa, slow down. You girls play WarCraft III? Both of you? At the same time?
Candy: Yeah. Geez, we sit around all day in front of a computer waiting for horny guys to call. What are we supposed to do?
Sandie: Jason honey, you can only play Windows Solitaire for so long.
Candy: And let me tell you another thing. Those Barely Legal Teens that share the other cubicle, some of which are in their 40s? They play dirty as the undead.
Sandie: *shouting* You heard her, bitches!
I just called a warehouse full of sex women who play WarCraft all day? Hang on, I gotta sit down … maybe take a pill or something …
Sandie: Breathe into a bag, Jason.
Candy: Aww, is little Jason having trouble with multiplayer? You poor, poor thing. Let Sandie and I help.
Sandie: Spill it, sexy man.
I’m playing as the humans, and these Night Elves keep attacking my base with Priestesses and Chimaeras.
Sandie: Ohh, they like it rough.
Candy: Build me a Gryphon Aviary, Jason.
Okay, I’m building one…
Candy: Build it faster Jason … oohhh … ohh… Faster … FASTER!!
Oh wait, they just attacked my base with a couple Centaurs!
Sandie: Take it slow, Jason. I want you to grab your knights and then right-click on the Centaurs, oh baby, just like that. You have good hands. Now click on them!
Sandie: Click harder! HARDER!!
Candy: Do you have my Aviary yet, Jason?
Uh, it’s coming –
Candy: MAKE IT COME, JASON! MAKE IT COME!
.Okay, it’s making Gryphons –
Candy: Oh yes, yes, attack the Chimaeras!
Sandie: Slap the Night Elf Priestess, Jason! Slap her hard, oh! Oh yes Jason!
Oh baby – yeah! OH YEAH!!
Candy: *Slamming hands on desk* Oh YES! YE-EESSS!
Should I attack their base?
Sandie: Take it Jason! Take it! *pants*
I’m giving it everything I have!
Candy: OOHHH YEEESSSSSS.
Sandie: Don’t stop – oh! OHH!
Candy: *Some sort of soft gurgling noise*
Wow, that was incredible.
Sandie: Call us back when you’re ready to take on two opponents at once.
Uhm, I dunno if I’m that kind of guy.
Wow. Geez. That was pretty intense. Should I call Jenny from the WarCraft III tip line and tell her I’ve been cheating on her?
Score: 9.13; Total Votes: 6214 as of 2009-12-09.
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- But sir, Battle.net’s policy about disconnects makes no exceptions if your house blows up. It’s in the EULA.