Extra! Extra! Read all about it! U.S. President Declares War on Camping!
Extra Extra! In a joint session before congress this morning President George W. Bush declared an unequivocal War on Camping.
Leading analysts believe the declaration of war was prompted by last evening’s extended play session with the America’s Army game. Despite completing all of the training sessions, the world leader was unable to successfully defend the base with his teammates once he joined a special capitol-hill server frequented by Washington insiders.
“I believe the ‘merigan people are a strong people,” the President stated as flashbulbs went off all around. “And I believe in what the constit-uation says, that we have an un-intelligible right to pursue happiness. And that means y’all don’t get sniped in the head by some jackmunch hidin’ behind a tree.”
He then reached out and pointed an accusatory finger at Senator Thomas Carper (D) of Delaware and Representative Ernie Fletcher (R) of Kentucky, congressmen who he later accused of being the “axis of camping.”
“This administration will not negotiate with camping bitches,” President Bush announced to thunderous applause. He then made a gesture where he pointed two fingers at his eyes and then pointed at House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt. Licking his lips, he nodded slowly and with great menace toward the Democratic leader.
Because campers are not an officially recognized U.N. nation, the head of state technically does not need to seek congressional approval before declaring war on them.
[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader William “Terromithica” Cook]
Asked to comment, lobbyists for the camping movement said very little and shot at reporters from a prone position near a crate.
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