Friends, I tell you the truth: Man can’t live on Neverwinter alone

[Part 3 of a 5-part Daily Victim special. Start at the beginning]

When we came up with the idea to create the ultimate Neverwinter scenario, I was all for it. When Dave decided we would hole up in a cabin in the woods in order to work on it, non-stop, I was skeptical but didn’t say anything. But when he said there would be no other games allowed – well, I shoulda put my foot down. ‘Cuz this is driving me nuts.

As the lead artist – or, what I like to call, the breast coordinator – my work was mostly done once we finished the concepts and art phase. Once I handed off the last of the icons to our whack-job programmer who talks to his screen, you know, I was done. I tried to draw more pictures for the website, but – and I know you’ll find this hard to believe – it’s impossible to draw hot half-naked Elven chicks non-stop for days straight. Your mind starts to wonder. Pretty soon you’re staring at a pen drawing of Dick Cheney in a studded leather wonderbra and you’re asking why? WHY!?

The worst part is, I couldn’t even really playtest our scenario. Dave kept saying he wasn’t happy with the map yet and if you so much thought about attacking one of the monsters or NPCs our programmer would have a hissy fit and start screaming to back off his “little ones.”

So there I was, in a cabin in the woods, a purple dusk filtering through the waving pine needles overhead while distant woodpeckers tapped away. Thank God I’d smuggled in a Game Boy Advance without Dave noticing. I looked over each shoulder, turned down the volume, and quietly flipped it on.

Unfortunately, since I’ve got a backlight installed on that thing, the batteries started to lose their juice. You’re supposed to get a hundred hours of battery life, but a man like me can go through a hundred hours in less than a day, you know? So I snuck into the Volkswagen bus and jacked my Game Boy in through the cigarette lighter.

Awwwwwww yah. Sweet gaming bliss. Just me, my GBA, the VW, and the ACB (Angry Clown Bong.) The purple sky faded to black with a blanket of stars overhead, and before I knew it the steamy windows were filled with the blue haze of dawn. THIS was the LIFE.

For some reason, by the time the sun came over the hills, the battery light kept blinking and my Game Boy shut itself off. Oh well, no matter. Today the boys were going to release our masterpiece to the public – I wonder how things were going in the cabin?

[To be continued…]


Victim Pic Small

As soon as the Internet public gets a load of my sligthly-clothed Elven chicks, lemme tell you, the bucks will start flyin’! And possibly some other things.


Score: 8.06; Total Votes: 1247 as of 2009-12-09.


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Our mind-blowing Neverwinter scenario will require days of focused coding in a remote mountain retreat

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Today our Neverwinter world shall be unleashed to the sycophantic public. My AI is smarter than all of them.

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