Our mind-blowing Neverwinter scenario will require days of focused coding in a remote mountain retreat

[Part 2 of a 5-part Daily Victim special. Start at the beginning]

Allright men, listen up! I’ve assembled you here because you are the finest artist and AI programmer in the entire tri-county region! Together we are about to embark on a voyage – both figuratively and culturally! We have the idea. We have the talent. And now, gentlemen, we have the tools. No less than ten powerful desktop computers liberated from that Cybercafe that went out of business, equipped with the finest mice, Wacom tablets, and networking hardware that city dumpsters can offer. Behind me you can see this gorgeous roomy VW bus that I borrowed for the week from a friend.

My plan in order to beat all the other Neverwinter scenarios to the punch is nothing short of COMPLETE AND TOTAL DUNGEON IMMERSION. I’ve rented a cabin far off in the woods over those mountains. It’ll take us all night to drive there and we’ll be hours away from humanity, connected only by a satellite dish modem. We’ll do nothing but work on our world, day in and day out – day by day, night by Neverwinter night. I’m serious: NO OTHER GAMES are allowed on this trip, got it? Okay, let’s look over our essential week-of-the-geek survival gear:

10 computers, 10 keyboards, 10 mice
10 19-inch monitors
3 plastic Yodas
4 power strips
1 case of microwave popcorn
23 cans of Chef Noodleroni pasta
10 copies of Neverwinter Nights
1 portable radio
12 cases of Mountain Dew
8 frozen pizzas, assorted toppings
1 Badass Morpheus action figure
6 pounds of Cap’n Crunch
1 life-sized cardboard cutout of Princess Amidala, midriff bared
48 razor-sharp pencils
12 art pens
1 book of pr0n – oh, I’m sorry, “anatomy”
6 tablets of graph paper
1 used Wacom tablet
11 cans of soup
6 sets of dice
1 Monster Manual
2 Dungeon Master’s Guides
3 Player’s Handbooks
1 Weezer CD
12 back issues of Maxim
1 network hub, with cables
1 enormous angry-clown bong – what – what is this? Who’s is this?

Okay, anyways, don’t just stare at the pile! Start packing! It won’t help you to look at the giant pile, then back at the VW, then at the giant pile, then back at the VW… C’mon, let’s do this.

This cantankerous voyage draws ever on. When will we reach our destination? My AI minions grow restless.
Why must we edge ever onwards in this abominable noisebox? My computers have been unplugged for over six hours. I have not yet determined how my artificially intelligent NPCs will react to their enforced hybernation. They’ve gone several hours of sensory depletion. Shortly before turning my computer off, the Kobold Captain shuffled toward me and asked if he would dream. Yes, yes little man. I think you shall.

I wouldn’t mind the trip so much if the loathsome long-haired creature next to me wasn’t obsessing about dangling Elven feminine anatomy.

Don’t tell the other guys, but I just couldn’t go without other games
I mean it man. I didn’t realize this whole Neverwinter scenario thing would be like a game convent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked that Dave is psyched about putting my Elven babes on our website. But I just can’t go a whole weekend without any other games. That’s why I’ve got a Game Boy Advance hidden inside my angry clown bong. Shhhhh.

[To be continued!]


Victim Pic Small

You’ll love this cabin. It used to belong to some cult before they uh – well anyways.


Score: 8.53; Total Votes: 1357 as of 2009-12-09.


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I have a plan for a Neverwinter scenario so incredible it’ll melt the skin off of your body!

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Friends, I tell you the truth: Man can’t live on Neverwinter alone

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