Hello, sir! Allow me to demonstrate for you a stunning new way to roleplay without a PC!

You heard me right, sir! May I come in? Can I use your dining room table? My name’s Roger Beckham and I’ve got something in this briefcase that’ll blow you away, but first let me ask you something. How much did you spend last year on PC roleplaying games? Thirty dollars? Sixty dollars? Maybe a hundred and twenty dollars? And have you factored in the Internet service bills and necessary hardware? You’re a smart man and I can already see by the gleam in your eyes that you’ve already done the math: That’s right, you’re spending hundreds of dollars to play games like Neverwinter Nights. What if there was a better way?

What if I told you THERE IS?

That’s because I’ve discovered a secret and because I like you I’m going to let you in on it, sir. These PC roleplaying games such as Baldur’s Gate, Pool of Radiance, or Neverwinter Nights all use a secret behind-the-scenes roleplaying system known as “Dungeons & Dragons.” Now, I don’t want to get technical because I like to keep things on the level, but make no mistake. This “D&D” system is capable of doing everything possible in these games and more. PLUS, you don’t need an Internet connection! Or even a PC!

I crap you negative!

So you’re asking yourself, “How can I get in on this?” and that’s where I, Roger Beckham, am here to help. “Beckham at yer beck ‘n call,” that’s what I always say. I have here a “Player’s Handbook” that has all the details, as well as a “Dungeon Master’s Guide” that acts like a sophisticated scenario editor with many times the capabilities of what’s available on even the most powerful computer. Furthermore, it allows a skilled gamer such as yourself to make up scenarios on the fly if the player-characters do something wiggity whack. That’s right, I said wiggity whack. We’ve all played with Halflings, you and I both know those little pissers are out of control.

How much would you expect to pay for this complete system? One thousand dollars? Five hundred dollars? Well sir what if I told you that Roger Beckham could sell you both books right now for only Two-hundred ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents!? That’s just $299.99 for a lifetime of roleplaying, no PC required, absolutely no system requirements, no need to upgrade, no complicated editing tools to figure out, and no need for an Internet connection. Think of what you’d pay for a new PC alone in order to play Neverwinter and you’ll–

What? You say that – oh – uh, I forgot to peel the price tags off of those books, heh, uhm, it says $29 dollars? Clearly they forgot a digit in there, I assure you, these are RARE commodities unavailable anywhere else! These are – hey, no need to get frisky sir – these are – stop shoving! Perhaps you’d like some time to think it over? Hey, no so rough!


Victim Pic Small

Can I interest you in a six-sided die for just $24.97? Okay! For you, $17.50!


Score: 8.04; Total Votes: 2009 as of 2009-12-09.


Previous
I’ve only scratched the surface of the power this old cell phone gives me over WaveBird controllers

Next
FWWwoooAAAHH! You can get a wicked buzz just by licking the Warcraft III box!

Back To Index