Reporting to you LIVE from the observation mode of Bl00dLu5t’s Tribes II server…
Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, we’re here LIVE from the scene, floating in observer mode high above Bl00dLu5t’s Tribes II server for what should be a pivotal moment in the playing career of Michael “The Monk” Bulman. That’s right the Mad Monk as he’s known is stepping out of his base, yes, yes he’s just emerged from the base wearing medium armor glinting in the sunlight and he’s taking a look at his surroundings – this is a MOMENT OF TRUTH ladies and gentlemen and you’re here listening LIVE as it’s happening, if you’ve just joined us Mad Monk is outside the base and is he? Is he? Yes, yes he is, he’s walking to the vehicle station! He’s taking long deliberate strides toward his vehicle station, no, he’s not using his jetpack, he’s just walking, walking toward the vehicle station for what will be HIS MAIDEN FLIGHT, that’s right, you’re listening LIVE to the MAIDEN FLIGHT of Michael “The Monk” Bulman, who has never once piloted a Tribes II vehicle until what we hope will be today.
Mad Monk has stepped up to the vehicle station, he’s on the podium, and he’s ordering a vehicle. There’s a hush from the crowd, an urgent tension here in the reporter’s booth as we wait to see what it is – you’re listening live, folks – he’s called up a vehicle, it’s a big one, it’s coming into focus and OH MY! OH MY! A cheer from the crowd as it appears that he’s conjured up a HAVOC HEAVY TRANSPORT, and you’ve heard it here first folks, that’s right, the Mad Monk is preparing to fly a Havoc Heavy Transport for his first foray into the wild blue, his maiden flight, a step into the unknown. He’s walking toward the pilot seat, he’s jumping in yes he’s jumping in, hardly the slightest bit of hesitation despite the fact that he’s never flown a heavy transport before no, no in fact he’s flown NOTHING, he’s driven nothing, in fact he only got the game earlier this afternoon and until now hadn’t even noticed the vehicle station or even pondered what it did and now yes! Yes I see it, can we pan over and take a closer look at that? Oh – oh MY.
Ladies and gentlemen there are other players boarding the Heavy Transport, at least two – now three – three other players are now sitting in the passenger positions of the heavy transport soon to be piloted by the Mad Monk in his maiden voyage, having never flown before he’s already got three – hold it! – FOUR! Four unsuspecting passengers. For God’s sake, someone should type a chat message or something, I don’t think these people know what they’re getting into and OH DEAR, a Scout has stepped into the tailgunner position ensuring that the Mad Monk has a complete payload in this, his first flight, as well as the first time he’s ever used a mouse for a computer game, that’s right, he doesn’t know how to use a mouse, he’s attempting to fly, and – wait – wait! He’s moving! The transport is lifting itself off the ground and now it’s crashing down again, no, now he’s airborne, he’s airborne and THERE HE GOES!
If you’re just tuning in ladies and gentlemen we’re broadcasting to you LIVE from Bl00dLu5t’s Tribes II server where Michael “The Monk” Bulman also known as “The Mad Monk” is piloting a fully-loaded Havoc Heavy Transport for the first time with no less than five passengers, all of which are clinging on for dear life as he’s just CLIPPED THE TOP OF HIS BASE, nearly taking out a solar panel, the tailgunner is frantically typing for him to pull up but the Mad Monk is unable to type back, he’s only got one arm, and he’s legally blind and currently he’s heavily medicated and he also has a ping of over 600. He’s soared already to an impressive height, the Havoc Heavy Transport is now high above the level it’s still mostly right side up but the engines have cut out, oh, now they’re back on, confusion from both bases at this point as to whether the Havoc should be shot down, people are beginning to take note on the ground level – and now it’s upside down! Yes, the transport is completely upside down –
OH THE CARNAGE! Heavy armored troops are spilling from the Transport like candy from a piñata, it’s whirling toward the ground with all engines sputtering, Mad Monk is desperately trying to get control and now his hand is off the mouse, he’s hitting some keys, I think there’s some confusion he thought he was using an email client and was completely unaware he was playing Tribes, IT CLIPPED A MOUNTAIN but it’s still airborne, the transport is nose-down but still hurtling forward, by some miracle the tailgunner isn’t dead yet he’s scrambling out, OH MY it’s hit a RIDGE! It burst into flame! It burst into flame! It’s exploding into fiery arcs of debris, there are bodies everywhere, OH oh OH THE HUMANITY AND ALL THE PEOPLE, I can’t look, I can’t bear to watch it I’m turning my head, I haven’t seen this much devastation since back in ‘98 when Mad Monk first tried a concussion-grenade jump in the flag room of TeamFortress and killed three quarters of his own team. We’ll be right back after a short commercial break.
Are we off the air? Holy MOTHER, I think what’s left of that Scout hit the side of the enemy base so hard he left a smear. Man, that was great. What should we have Monk try to do next? What? We’re not on commercial?
Score: 8.46; Total Votes: 2117 as of 2009-12-09.