You will never defeat my optimal Age of Empires development path!
No amount of tactics, strategy, or forward-thinking will save you. Why? Because over the past year and a half I’ve gamed that game to death. I’ve calculated the creation time of each individual unit. I’ve determined the exact harvesting rate of every peasant – even my favorites, the Chinese. Using an Excel spreadsheet of my own top-secret design, with the help of the cartoon kitty office assistant, I’ve determined the ultimate formula for developing an empire. I know exactly when to produce villagers and what to have them do, taking into account over 100 variations of starting positions. I know what units to produce, when, and where, in order to advance to the next age as fast as it is humanly possible to advance. Nay, as fast as mechanically possible – my organizational feats can be rivaled by neither flesh nor machine!
Thanks to my optimal development path, I’m able to pour knights through your gates like water, usually before you’ve even left the dark ages. Oh, you don’t like it? What do you mean you’d rather play “strategically?” Strategy is the last refuge of those who can’t click a mouse fast enough.
Click click click click click VILLAGERS! click click click click click RENNISANCE AGE! click click click click click TREBUCHETS! click click click click click ATTACK! click click click click CLICK! click click…
Score: 6.96; Total Votes: 1737 as of 2009-12-09.