Global Operations’ Intel character class allows me to fulfill at long last my natural inclination to command

That’s right, prior to Global Operations, these first-person shooting games required natural-born “Kommandants” like myself to be right up on the front lines like the enlisted men. This was a problem because handling a weapon requires the so-called “skillz” that men of rank like myself don’t possess. And you know, half those games don’t let you type to the other players once you die. How was I supposed to command the men in that condition?

But Global Ops is a different story. I can sign up for the “Intel” class and demonstrate my natural leadership skillz. I get a map, and all my little men – most of which I consider disposable for the cause – are shown as little arrows. Like any good leader, I can click on them and them tell them what to do. Watch:

“Shoot that guy! You! Run up and shoot that other guy! Now – you! You, go and … shoot … that guy! What are you doing? Are you guys not shooting … the guys? Okay, fine. You! Shoot! The Guy! Aw crap.”

Victim Pic Small

You! Did I order you to get shot? Did I? Hunh?

Score: 6.19; Total Votes: 2004 as of 2009-12-09.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he asks himself: What would Solid Snake do?

It looks like playing Agent Under Fire will have to wait until after “Walkies.”

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