Not Even God Himself Can Defeat My Empire Earth Scenario!

Step back! When I push the “Load” button, this screen will fill with the most egregiously difficult scenario ever to be placed in a digital medium. You thought my StarCraft scenario, “Mile-Wide Mass of Zergs,” was tough? Wait til you get a load of this baby, a little Empire Earth piece of history that I call “Spain Bends You Over the Rock of Gibraltar.”

That’s right. Using this editor, I can lay out a carpet of units like rolling paint on a wall. I’ve also taken some liberty with history, you know, for game balance – which is why Phillip II of Spain has lasers. Forget Carl from downstairs or even his “Wax you in the Industrial Age” roommate – nobody can defeat this scenario.

That’s right! NOBODY! I even put a disclaimer on the intro screen: “WARNING! This scenario is guaranteed to reduce you to a shrieking mass of withered humanity.” On the hints screen, it says “Give up.” This scenario has it all. Voice samples wailing lamentations as you’re defeated! Camera angles that swing around to show your ignominious defeat from all angles! Even an intro movie wherein a period-priest reads you your last rights. Oh yah. You heard me. Not even the almighty himself has any hope of victory!

THIS SHIT’S WAY TOO EASY
When I first saw the Spanish Armada bearing down on my coast, I was like … OH … MY … SELF. But then I wrecked it with the quickness and the flavah, Old Testament style. Like Ecclesiastes said, your life’s work is both paltry and meaningless.
  Oh, and now you have cancer.


Victim Pic Small

For my next scenario, I plan on giving the mongols nuclear weapons. What’s this funny pain in my liver?


Score: 8.37; Total Votes: 2161 as of 2009-12-09.


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