Faster, Post-it Note! Kill! Kill!
Again a grammatical mockery of my staff email from the likes of Stuart Kramden. Stuart! Who spends his whole day in chat rooms and his whole night playing EverQuest. Stuart! And his continued mockery of my fondness for Roller Coaster Tycoon. Stuart – STUUUART! From hell’s heart I stab at thee!
Stuart has two computer monitors whereas I only have one. Must I act unaware of this budgetary mockery? He uses the second monitor not for graphics design as alleged, but merely to keep his email client open all the time. Thousands of dollars of company money, spent so that Stuart can instantly retrieve his personals from Love@AOL.com. Count me not among the fooled! STUUUART! For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee!
But before the afternoon staff meeting I will have Stuart squirming in the palm of my hand. Already, stuck to his monitor, awaiting his innocuous return from another of his hour and five-minute long lunches, I have dropped what today’s youth would call “Da Bomb.” Yes! A Post-It note of such malevolent brevity as to leave its reader smarting with unanswerable fury and crushing embarassment! Faster, Post-It Note, faster!
Imagine his indignation at discovering the word, “Choad” stuck mercilessly on the monitor he so loves, in handwriting diabolically concealed so as not to appear as mine. Faster, Post-It Note! Kill! Ha ha! Stuart, you’ve met your match, my plebian co-worker! The deed is done, irrevocable, as unstoppable as fate! Faster! Faster!
Faster, Post-It note!
Score: 6.51; Total Votes: 917 as of 2009-12-09.