The PS2 Will Have Unbridled Masturbatory Capabilities
You’ve no doubt noticed that extra spring in my step between class periods. Huzzah! My hormones can hardly restrain themselves.
Recall, if you will, the days of 8-bit and 16-bit videogame systems. Those pixellated blobs on the screen did nothing for me – I had to make do with pictures on the front of the manual, or the cheat pages of Nintendo Power magazine.
By the time Tomb Raider came out, I thought technology had reached its apex. Small wonder I never got past the first level, with so many corners to back Lara Croft into!
But have you heard, friend, what those crazy Japanese people are up to next? The PlayStation 2! It has some kind of “emotion engine” or something. I don’t know what it means, but I saw screenshots of creamy thighs and all I can say is, “Humdinger!”
I hope to get one as quickly as possible, removing entirely my need for human contact. Ciao!
For now, I’m still forced to make do with Ulala from Space Channel 5. My favorite dance move is: up down up down up down up – [Note from the author: I really regret having written this and apologize, it’s gone on long enough. Thank you.]
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