Are You Kidding Me? This Drives Nothing like My Dodge Viper

Hel-looo? What is this? It’s topping out at 160? Look … look here! Not realistic. My stock Viper out in the parking lot can break 200 on a straitaway. Hell, I can break 90 in the parking lot. I’ve squealed out of the handicapped space that fast on more than one occasion.

Look at this – look at the curve here – I could take that corner at 120 on my Viper and barely spit rubber. Absurd. This is a mockery of the Dodge name. A personal assault on me and my chances of winning this weekend’s tournament.

It’s times like this I’m glad I’m pre-law. I’m gonna call up Dodge and offer to represent them in a law suit. Sony’s a big company – phat yen – I think we can take these chumps. Sue their asses, good ol’ US of A style. We’d win. ‘Cuz God drives Dodge.

I ended up betting that schmuck from the frat house a couple hundred bucks I could take him on in the tourney. I assumed I would be able to drive a Viper, not a Viperesque half-vipe. Good thing I swiped his memory card when he wasn’t looking.

[Gran Turismo 3 Week continues at the Daily Victim! One week of hardcore racing, backstabbing, and smack talk culminating in the big tournament this weekend. Which victim will win? Stop by all week to vote.]


Victim Pic Small

USA! USA! USA!


Score: 7.01; Total Votes: 910 as of 2009-12-09.


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