Look, Your Software Store Stopped Carrying Codename Eagle. We Decided to Take Drastic Measures.
No, I will not cease, and I’m not planning to desist. Your software store, Gaming Gigabuys, no longer carries Codename: Eagle, the smash-packed action mayhem furious crossbreed first-person and vehicular combat gun shooter. This game is a PC entertainment classic. Your refusal to carry it – simply because it’s two years old and nobody ever bought it and you probably couldn’t give them away – is why we’re here today.
I’ve gathered up every single Codename: Eagle fan in the city – that’s right, both dozen – and we’re here today to protest your store! That’s right, we’re BOYCOTTING this dirty popsicle heap! We’re encouraging consumers not to buy anything here – not that they could, anyways, because the one PC game worth buying for the last two years is no longer on your shelves.
You may not think two dozen is a formidable group of gamers, but woo-ee. You wait til you see us on a LAN. During the infrequent periods of ten minutes or more between game crashes, WE ARE HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIVES playing Codename: Eagle and screaming at one another in a murderous rage. You can drive trucks, you can drive armored cars, you can fly biplanes and bombers and blimps, my friend, OH MY FRIEND, you haven’t gamed until you’ve played Codename: Eagle multiplayer on a LAN. Besides, the freqent server crashes provide ample opportunity to eat pizza and drink beer. In fact, the appeal of the game is heightened immensely through judicious application of the latter.
So do the right thing, friend. Put Codename: Eagle back on your shelves. We’re not leaving until you do. Or until we get cold or hungry. Wait, hang on, Jerry says we’re gonna LAN party over at his place – could you hold this sign for me? I’ll be back in a couple hours.
Save the blimp for me Jerry!
Hell no, we won’t go!
Codename: Eagle doesn’t blow!
Score: 6.88; Total Votes: 1222 as of 2009-12-09.