Your Keen Skills at Setting up Base Defenses Are No Match for My Ability to Crash a Vehicle into Them
I just saw you bragging in the GameSpy Arcade chat room that you were a one-man base-defending machine. And now that I’ve logged onto the server I can see that you’ve already built up a fortified array of sensors and turrets and mines around your flag.
Surely only the most keen-footed of cloaked assailants could hope to outmaneuver such a devastating automated arsenal. Surely it would take an army of heavily-armored attackers with explosive charges to clear a path through your mechanized wall of death. Surely it would require a massive team effort.
Alternatively, I could just crash my plane into your base and render your whole network worthless.
That’s right. Many people boast about their vehicle piloting skills, but only I can boast about my superb crashing skills. I’ve been known to take out four defenders and six turrets with a single crash – and moments before impact I bailed out and fell to my death on top of a remote resupply station just for effect.
The secret to my success is that I have absolutely no concern for the welfare of myself or anyone around me. I LIVE to crash into base defenses, with my guns blazing for the entirety of my run, from apex to ground zero. I’m happiest when I’m a schmear on the floor amidst a sea of broken, smouldering debris and wrecked bodies. There is no greater satisfaction in my life than for an enemy team to see me coming and, rather than waste their homing missiles, they simply scatter like bees from a hive that’s about to get smashed by a rock.
One time I managed to get my plane all the way INTO an enemy building, down a shaft, and into a generator room where I exploded. It was a triumph of human indignity!!
Well, enough talk. I see you’re done setting up your defenses and now you’re smugly pacing up and down the ranks with a repair gun, gloating. Very well – Jeeves, hand me the keys to my fighter plane. Have you stripped it of any unneccessary weight, like fuel for the return trip? Excellent …. excellent….
Basically I consider myself a human projectile.
Score: 8.83; Total Votes: 1959 as of 2009-12-09.