I Put the ‘Ow’ in ‘Low Ping’

That’s right, citizens, I have a fiber-optic cable linking my machine to the server that it rests on top of. Step aside, step aside, latent ones! Now, it has come to my attention that foul-intentioned individuals have taken our flag. I don’t appreciate that kind of behavior and I certainly won’t go out of my way to tolerate it on a server on which I contain nearly Godlike powers.

Watch and grovel before me as I rail the opposition out of mid air. I only killed him alone because he happened to have the flag – normally I conserve my ammo and wait until two or more opponents are lined up in a row before firing, killing them all simultaneously.

I will now jump and snag the flag as it falls from mid-air. For you modeming mortals this would take split-second timing, but for me, the entire server feels like the slow-motion shots of the Matrix movie.

Note that as I return the flag, my ping sometimes actually drops into negative numbers. That’s right. The server often fires my gun BEFORE I even push the mouse button. Behold. Sometimes, merely by walking into a room, everyone on the other team spontaneously dies. You might think that’s unfair, but I merely call it superior server-side prediction code.

Well, latent citizens, my work here is done. Call me again should you need me, although, by the time I recieve your pathetically slow missive, I’ll probably have already have solved the problem. Farewell!

Victim Pic Small

[Flies off in a cloud of lost packets]

Score: 8.3; Total Votes: 2217 as of 2009-12-09.

Excuse Me, Sir, You Failed to Signal before Crashing That Bomber into a Mountain.

Wow, a Whole Quarter. What Shall I Spend It on? a Driving Game, a Fighting Game, or a Light Gun Game?

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