There’s a New Rules Marshall on This Here Baldur’s Gate Server

That’s right, script-kiddies. It’s me, William “Wild Bill” Carson, winner of two consecutive GENCon Advanced Dungeons and Dragons tourneys. Second edition, of course – the game for MEN! Men who like thick, meaty rulebooks with loopholes scattered about like treasure in an umber hulk lair!

I’m the new Rules Marshall on this here BG server, so you’d all best be listenin’ up. ‘Cuz around here it ain’t RolePlay, it’s RoleWORK!

You, in the tunic – A level 8 warrior who took the Kensai kit? What the hell were you thinking? How did you have the patience to get to level 8? You can’t wear armor, how the high heavens do you expect to exploit any rules if you can’t wear armor? That’s piss-poor, junior! What do you think this is, your mamma’s basement? 5 o’clock at the Piedmont Jr. High after-school wargaming club? GET THE HELL OFF MY SERVER!

And how about you, Thor-Dak the Slayer? A wizard, eh? Let me see your character profile – SWEET JEEZES! You only have one primary stat at 18!! Is this a Baldur’s Gate server or an f’ing kindergarten!? Log off and come back when you learn to press the “reroll” button! For crying out loud.

Do you know how long it took me to get my character up to 18/96 strength with two other 18’s in my stats? That’s right, three consecutive days of hitting the reroll button, but it was worth it! I devour beholders for breakfast. I play this game with one blistered hand on the mouse and the other in an open copy of the AD&D 2nd edition player’s guide. That’s right, AD&D – ADVANCED Dungeons and Dragons, for advanced players, not these third-edition bleeding-heart “oh we want to develop our character’s rich personality” training-wheel rules.

Ya’ll come back when you know the difference between Melf’s Acid Arrow and a hole in yer butt.


Victim Pic Small

Now, I need some silence. I figured out how to use a minor sequencer spell to do 1,864 points of damage in a single round, and when you find a loophole like that, you to show it some respect.


Score: 7.86; Total Votes: 1276 as of 2009-12-09.


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