Hot Diggity! This New Matrix Action Figure Sitting on Top of My Monitor Will Affirm My Status as a Badass!
Oh yes indeedly! Thanks to the Secret Santa Giveaway at work, I now have a sniffy new Action Figure of Morpheus from the Matrix! You know, the dude with the pills?
Let’s see, he comes with a shotgun and a mac-10. Which will most effectively broadcast to the world that I am in fact a badass when I set him on my monitor? You can’t make these decisions lightly!
The guy in the cubicle next to mine suggests that I put one gun in each hand. Bah! That would be so excessive as to dilute the effect – it would make it seem like I was trying to look like a badass, instead of revealing to all within eyeshot the fact that I truly am a badass. But what does he know? He just plays Asheron’s Call all day.
I’ve got it! I’ll definitely use the mac-10 in his right hand, with his finger not even on the trigger, like, you know, he just knows he’s got the powah. Then, I will raise his left hand out like so, in a sort of conciliatory gesture, palm upward. Sorta like he’s saying, “What? What? You want some of me? You want this?” Yes – yes, that’s it. Now he is the perfect plastic representation of my ass badness. He can go here, next to the stuffed Pikachu.
Nobody will mess with me now.
Hey, stop shaking the cubicle wall over there! You may dislodge the Morpheus, and he might have to get all you-think-that’s-air-you’re-breathing on your ass.
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