Heathen! Know ye before ye darest move mine cubicle, henceforth referred to as "ye crucible of enlightenment," that thou darest tred on system administration ground of which ye have little knowledge!
Forsooth! The arcane arts of Unix administration are lost on ye hapless sheep of middle management, promoted to positions of great power yet unenlightened as to why or how our webservers were founded on Unix in ages of yore, helplessly bethrothed to I, master of root, author of .cshrcs, weaver of cron files so cryptic as to be unassailable by any of powers lesser than mine!
Mock ye the arts of Unix Server Administration? Knowest thou who controls the devine kernel? Who installeth this system handed upon him straight from ye Gods at Berkley? Mine keystrokes control Daemons! They shall fork forth many processes! They shall grep and cat without mercy, and I shall forge them, and in the darkness I shall bind them with one hand upon the /etc/passwd and the other upon the swap!!
Keepeth thine grungy org-chart wielders away from mine crucible of enlightenment, and verily I shall not rm -rf /* as root, and we shall haveth 100% uptime forever and ever, amen. Oh, and I want to keep my lava lamp, too.